RUGAWAY™
Fast-acting emotional relief for rug victims
Primary Effects
- ✓Instant Cope Technology
- ✓Portfolio Numbifier
- ✓"Lessons learned" journal
*This is satire. Not financial advice.
Description
Just got rugged for the 5th time this month? Dev disappeared with the liquidity? Don't worry, RUGAWAY™ has you covered. Our revolutionary Instant Cope Technology works within seconds to convince you that "it was a learning experience" and that you "saw the red flags but invested anyway." Comes with a complimentary "Lessons Learned" journal that you definitely won't need again (narrator: they will). Now with Portfolio Numbifier to help you feel nothing when checking your wallet.
Dosage Instructions
Take immediately after discovering the telegram has been deleted. Repeat as needed (you will need it again).
Warnings
Does not actually prevent future rugs. Will not restore your funds. Cannot stop you from aping into the next sketchy project.
Approved by Our Chief Anxiety Officer
"I've seen it all and I'm still chill. Trust me, this works." — Fluffy McChillface, Chief Anxiety Officer
